When we have children, the other parent is [in one way or another] a part of our lives forever. Even with uninvolved fathers, somehow conversations come up about them, their names are mentioned and some of them even "pop" into our lives at one time or another. Whether directly or indirectly, we might as well face it, they are a part of our lives forever.
Regardless what happened between us and our ex’s, harboring bad feelings for your ex or nursing the wounds that they caused you does not help. It changes nothing. It only frustrates you and reminds you of the past. Pondering the past hurts and heartbreaks hinders your progression and will only make you bitter. The only logical option is to change your perception of your ex. Instead of thinking of them as the person that hurt you, view them through a new lens. After the relationship ended, your ex is your child's father. That's it. Lay aside the past and focus on what's ahead - raising your child(ren)
Avoid fighting and arguing with them. When your ex acts foolish, just understand that they are being 'who they are' and you can't change them. As the old folks used to say, "don’t be angry at a skunk for stinking"! Think about it for a second. If you couldn’t change them when you were with them, you surely won't change them now. So, just ignore the ignorance.
My personal challenge
Once I overheard my little boy on a phone call with his dad. He seemed to be defending me against a comment that his father said. I later asked my son what his dad said to upset him. Frustrated and angered by what he revealed to me, I immediately went into my quiet time with God. I don't always react so well, but it was one of my good days. :)
After my own personal 'pity party' was over, God directed me to the story of Joseph (Gen. 37:23). Joseph was one fascinating guy. As you may know, after being sold into slavery, unfairly thrown into prison, forgotten by a friend in prison, he still prospered and flourished. He was loved by all the "big shots" of his day and was promoted in every position he held - even while in prison! I prayerfully asked God why this essentially “ordinary” man operated in so many blessings.
Then I began to see that while Joseph was treated so horribly by others, he never sought revenge on those who mistreated him. He simply accepted whatever trial and persecution that came his way and continued to trust God faithfully. He even forgave those who wronged him and betrayed him. In the end, he went on to save their lives by providing food and resources for them and their families during a famine!
What does this mean for us as single moms?
Like Joseph, we shouldn’t hold anger in our hearts toward our ex’s. We must tell Jesus where it hurts and pray for the ability to forgive and relinquish the pain. We must continually remind ourselves that those behaviors of his are the very reasons we are not with him.
Remember you are a survivor fully equipped with everything you need to succeed and overcome any obstacle in life. So don't you dare allow anyone (including your ex) to steal your joy and happiness. You've gone through some rough times and made it!
Just live your life to the fullest!
Teri Worten is a freelance writer and the founder of several inspirational websites for women and single moms. One is called Gotta Be Me, Girl.Com. You can access the site by following the link: http://www.gottabemegirl.com. Secondly, visit the Greater Kansas City Single Mom Network at http://www.kcsinglemomnetwork.com.
Teri has been featured on various television and radio shows as well as numerous publications in the metropolitan Kansas City area. Her passion is motivating and inspiring other women to reach their fullest potential.
© Gottabemegirl.com 2002.
Submitted by: Teri Worten *
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