If you suspect that your spouse is cheating on you, then your suspicions are probably right, but you should be forewarned that your friends and family are probably going to assure you that it is all in your head. It is not that your friends and family like seeing you as the butt of all jokes, but rather, most people simply cannot see the truth even when they are staring it in the face.
The cheater is well practiced in the art of deception, so he or she will be deceiving your friends and family as he or she is also trying to deceive you. Frequently with years of experience at his or her back, the deception is almost too easy for the cheater to achieve. People trust them, and that makes the deception much easier to hide.
Different Levels Of Cheating
Not all cheating involves physical contact. For some people, the very act of carrying an emotional relationship with another is cheating enough to bring a relationship to an end.
Just the other day, I found myself counseling a friend on this very issue. During his unemployment, he took to setting up a profile on an online dating website, and then asked me my thoughts on whether he should meet the woman with whom he was chatting.
My advice was pretty straight forward, although two-fold. On the first piece of advice, I had to warn him that some people he might meet online are not real; many of the people one might meet online are scammers hoping to have him send his hard earned money to them. On the second step, I advised that just chatting with another woman was tantamount to cheating and could lead to his divorce. I suggested that he should be certain that he is willing to risk his marriage on such an unknown as someone he met on the Internet.
I told him that if his wife found out that he was chatting up other women online, it would not matter if he had actually met any of those women in person. Emotional cheating is just as bad as real cheating, because one often leads to the other.
He has cheated in previous relationships, so this is not new territory for him. But he has remained in his current marriage for more than ten years without ever straying from his wife. I had always wondered why this woman was different than the rest; I wondered why he would cheat on all the others, but not this one. I still don't know the answer to that question - but times are changing, and unemployment has put him on the prowl.
The Cheater Always Makes Mistakes
The most common mistakes made by the cheater are spurred by overconfidence in their ability to hide the truth. As the cheater successfully hides the truth over a significant amount of time, the cheater will start to feel as if he or she can relax the level of his or her careful deceit. It is this relaxed attitude that most often betrays the betrayer.
A carelessly left receipt or an unexplained debit on the checking account often leads a deceived spouse to the truth. Stains on clothing and unexplainable absences also lead the deceiver into the light of day.
Whatever signs, signals or evidence may have led you to decide that your spouse is cheating should never prompt a direct confrontation. When you have finally realized the truth of the situation, you should take a breath, relax, and start making plans.
If you confront the cheater, chances are that the lies will continue and the cheater will play the role of the victim. It is part of their shtick. To ratchet up their defense against your accusations, they will trick your friends and family in helping them portray him or her self as the victim and you as the offender.
So now is not the time for confrontation; instead, it is time to get an education.
There are ways that you can catch a cheating spouse in such a way that the evidence you bring will stand up in court. If divorce is in your future, having proof that will withstand the evidentiary proceedings of a courtroom will be essential to your success in divorce court.
Not everyone will seek a divorce upon the revelation of a cheating spouse. Each person has different reasons for the choices they make. For better or for worse, my mother did not divorce my father until 14 years after he first got caught cheating on her. And when the divorce finally came, it came because he suspected her of cheating on him. Go figure.
For an accusation of cheating to mean anything at all in a court of law, one needs to have irrefutable evidence of cheating. Suspicion is no good in court - you need proof.
Get Real Proof, Before Confronting The Cheater
If you are cautious and wise, you can get the proof you need to prove your spouse guilty of cheating. Private investigators and police agencies have honed their investigative skills over years and can develop the kind of evidence that you need to support you when you confront your spouse or bring your spouse to court.
When a cheater is confronted with irrefutable proof, there will be no excuses to be heard. The cheater - when confronted with proof beyond a reasonable doubt - will usually crumble immediately, with his or her cheater's facade shattered in an instant.
By bringing proof to the confrontation, you will put yourself into the driver's seat to get whatever it is that you seek. You might want a divorce after confrontation, but then you might just want to get your significant other under control or to take actions to save your marriage. Either way, confronting the cheater with proof will put you in charge of the outcome.
Get educated to the ways of investigators, so that you can bring your suspicions into the light of day in such a way as to avoid permitting your spouse to play the victim game with you and your friends.
About The Author:
Donny Prentice writes about divorce and relationships. To find out more specific advice about how to catch a cheating spouse, visit http://www.divorcethinktank.com/discovercheaters/ If you are looking for advice to help you through the divorce process, our website provides helpful divorce advice for both men and women, facing divorce: http://www.divorcethinktank.com/blog/
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