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Top : Personal Self-Care : Does Dating After Divorce Help? 

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Does Dating After Divorce Help?

One of the best ways to come out of the rut and forget the bad memories is to start a new relationship with a new individual. This will help you get intimate and personal with someone else and act as a soothing balm to your own hurting soul.

But how exactly can one get into another relationship after divorce? The ideal and quickest solution to find another soul-mate after a messy separation is to start dating again. There are many online services that can help you get in touch with other people looking for partners. You should also try some dating and singles clubs where you may get to meet a person you like and can take the relationship further.

Dating after divorce is not like what it was when you were single and young. With time, your expectations change, you become experienced and mature and your priorities undergo a transformation. While earlier you may have looked for romance and chemistry in a relationship, after divorce you mostly want to use your brain instead of your heart while zeroing in on a new life partner. It is a case of “once bitten, twice shy” and you want to be very careful in making your choice.

The following points will help you date successfully after getting divorced and get your life back on track again with a new relationship.

Give Yourself Time to Recover

Divorce generates feelings of hurt, resentment and rejection. You feel wounded and defeated. It is very important after divorce to give yourself time to heal and bounce back before you start dating again. What actually happens is that post-divorce, you fortify yourself emotionally. You are wary of new relationships. You do not want to open up to new people and want to remain reserved and circumspect.

You develop a tendency to run away from individuals who even in the slightest remind you of your ex-spouse. This is not an ideal condition to go out looking for new healthy relationships. You should give yourself enough time after divorce to recover emotionally and allow feelings of hurt and betrayal to subside.

Keep Your Dates Away from Your Kids

Be careful who you bring home to meet the kids. Initially, you will meet many potential partners and continue to date some of them. Things will not go much further with most before you finally manage to find the right individual. Introducing your every date to your kids will confuse them totally as they won’t have any idea what to expect. There will be too many strangers coming in and going out of their lives.

Children are sensitive and emotionally insecure. You should carefully shield them from the ups and downs of your relationship with potential life partners. Otherwise, the whole dating process can give rise to resentment and consternation in your kids and they may turn rude with you and your friends.

Let Go of the Past Relationship

When you divorce a partner, it is essential to wipe the slate clean. Regardless of how bad things were in your marriage or how angry or guilty you feel about your ex-spouse, you should prepare to forgive and forget and move on in life. This is the best way to save yourself from negative feelings and depression.

Same way, you should be willing to overlook the past life of your potential partner and accept her or him as he or she is, with kids, financial status, liabilities and so on. Both you and your friend should be willing to de-link your own selves from your past and begin your new martial life looking toward a bright future.

Be Discreet and Selective

After divorce, you should never be in a hurry to jump headlong into a new relationship. Keep in mind that you cannot hurry love. You should take your time and get to know the potential partner as a friend first. Be discreet. Don’t get dazzled with outer appearances or gifts that may be showered on you.

You should try to size up your friends through the mind’s eye and judge them as a person, such as their strengths and weaknesses and what you like and dislike about them. It is very important for you to be very clear about what you are looking for in the relationship and what your expectations and hopes are if dating eventually leads to a walk down the aisle.

About The Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce . co . uk

Submitted by: James Walsh *  

13-Nov-2009         Hits: 241     Rating: 0     Votes: 0      Rate It

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